Yee haw. But I suspect I may have lost the bulk of the fan base. Uh well, I'll put out a press release.
I've been lazy I must admit and got into Facebook more which was easier.
But if I'm going to call myself a writer of sorts, I must write at least a bit.
What's new with you guys? Me? A few small things. I've moved to a much more relaxing and restful and funky area of town, close to the beach. It's a much much smaller one bedroom, but I'm out of the loudest street corner in Vancouver and the bed bug ridden (not me but around me, resulting in numerous toxic sprayings), mice pooed building. Excellent. A good pal lives with her hubby and numerous stray people she has picked up, across the street. I've been for dinner a few times and the mere presence of someone I know in my hood soothes me.
It's a residential neighbourhood versus the drug neighbourhood I was in. Better for my nerves. The sounds of children playing, dogs barking and lawns being mowed has replaced the drunken midnight rants (not by me) and motorcycles.
I'm needing some peace deeply. My anxiety has been very very up this last while (I'm always honest, wee wee (now really wee) fan base. I'm not clear on all of the reasons why but my head doc and I work on that. I wish I could explain the feelings here - anxiety, people think, how bad can it be. Well, it can be crippling. I saw, over the last number of weeks, myself slipping down the slope and then suddenly bam! I was and am in the thick of it. If I could run away, I would.
I haven't explained it well, but there it is.
I've been taking a glorious beginner Hatha Yoga class once a week. The instructor is a colleague who has just completed her yoga training. I'd been initially skeptical - I am not good in the body but I desperately need to be more in my body and less in my head - and so it is. The stretching, the poses has not only healed my lower back pain but improved my balance and stretched me out. It's a deep thing, this yoga. I cried the first time, the tension release was strong.
I hold so much anxiety in my head and body that when some is released - either through yoga or temporary medication - I am brought to tears and sadness. And it's deep.
Deep like a deep thing.
And so I carry on with this and hang on to the notion that things get bad and slowly they re-build themselves. My mind tells me all kinds of lies and that is hard.
I feel alone and scared and I try to remember that there always has been a re-building.
Yes.
In other news, I bought my first ever good rain jacket and I've lived in Vancouver coming up on 21 years. Some things take time to learn.
I'm back and I hope the fanbase returns too.
Missed you.
