it be hot

It be hot here in Vancouver - 30 degree days, unusual for us. Only a couple of minutes to write - must get the bus to work.
What else? I think the heat is melting my brain a bit more than usual.
That be the lovely Charlene in the picture, a workmate. And that is the work staff washroom.
Exciting, I realize.
Uh, summer. I want to meet a man, wee fan base!!!!! Why is this so damn difficult for me? I'm having a more than usual self-pity fest about it! It's honestly not difficult for anyone else I know, so I just quite simply am having a lovely self-pity festival.
"It's not fair!" say I to my brain-fixer-upper. "I know people far more messed up than me who get man after man or one man or you get the idea!"
"Have you thought about sheep?" said she, suggesting I widen my scope.
Well, maybe she didn't actually say that.
Another summer without a man.
Makes me sigh.
In other news, I do enjoy homemade lemonade
must go to work.
Man!

sad

I was at a peace rally last summer where Cindy Sheehan was speaking. She wasn't up till later so she was sitting on the grass just a few metres from me. Completely average looking, middle-aged mother type of thing, wouldn't pick her out in a crowd. And that's what made me cry.


Good Riddance, Attention Whore" ...by Cindy Sheehan
I have endured a lot of smear and hatred since Casey was killed and especially since I became the so-called "Face" of the American anti-war movement. Especially since I renounced any tie I have remaining with the Democratic Party, I have been further trashed on such "liberal blogs" as the Democratic Underground. Being called an "attention whore" and being told "good riddance" are some of the more milder rebukes.
I have come to some heartbreaking conclusions this Memorial Day Morning. These are not spur of the moment reflections, but things I have been meditating on for about a year now. The conclusions that I have slowly and very reluctantly come to are very heartbreaking to me.
The first conclusion is that I was the darling of the so-called left as long as I limited my protests to George Bush and the Republican Party. Of course, I was slandered and libeled by the right as a "tool" of the Democratic Party. This label was to marginalize me and my message. How could a woman have an original thought, or be working outside of our "two-party" system?
However, when I started to hold the Democratic Party to the same standards that I held the Republican Party, support for my cause started to erode and the "left" started labeling me with the same slurs that the right used. I guess no one paid attention to me when I said that the issue of peace and people dying for no reason is not a matter of "right or left", but "right and wrong."
I am deemed a radical because I believe that partisan politics should be left to the wayside when hundreds of thousands of people are dying for a war based on lies that is supported by Democrats and Republican alike. It amazes me that people who are sharp on the issues and can zero in like a laser beam on lies, misrepresentations, and political expediency when it comes to one party refuse to recognize it in their own party. Blind party loyalty is dangerous whatever side it occurs on. People of the world look on us Americans as jokes because we allow our political leaders so much murderous latitude and if we don't find alternatives to this corrupt "two" party system our Representative Republic will die and be replaced with what we are rapidly descending into with nary a check or balance: a fascist corporate wasteland. I am demonized because I don't see party affiliation or nationality when I look at a person, I see that person's heart. If someone looks, dresses, acts, talks and votes like a Republican, then why do they deserve support just because he/she calls him/herself a Democrat?
I have also reached the conclusion that if I am doing what I am doing because I am an "attention whore" then I really need to be committed. I have invested everything I have into trying to bring peace with justice to a country that wants neither. If an individual wants both, then normally he/she is not willing to do more than walk in a protest march or sit behind his/her computer criticizing others. I have spent every available cent I got from the money a "grateful" country gave me when they killed my son and every penny that I have received in speaking or book fees since then. I have sacrificed a 29 year marriage and have traveled for extended periods of time away from Casey's brother and sisters and my health has suffered and my hospital bills from last summer (when I almost died) are in collection because I have used all my energy trying to stop this country from slaughtering innocent human beings. I have been called every despicable name that small minds can think of and have had my life threatened many times.
The most devastating conclusion that I reached this morning, however, was that Casey did indeed die for nothing. His precious lifeblood drained out in a country far away from his family who loves him, killed by his own country which is beholden to and run by a war machine that even controls what we think. I have tried ever since he died to make his sacrifice meaningful. Casey died for a country which cares more about who will be the next American Idol than how many people will be killed in the next few months while Democrats and Republicans play politics with human lives. It is so painful to me to know that I bought into this system for so many years and Casey paid the price for that allegiance. I failed my boy and that hurts the most.
I have also tried to work within a peace movement that often puts personal egos above peace and human life. This group won't work with that group; he won't attend an event if she is going to be there; and why does Cindy Sheehan get all the attention anyway? It is hard to work for peace when the very movement that is named after it has so many divisions.
Our brave young men and women in Iraq have been abandoned there indefinitely by their cowardly leaders who move them around like pawns on a chessboard of destruction and the people of Iraq have been doomed to death and fates worse than death by people worried more about elections than people. However, in five, ten, or fifteen years, our troops will come limping home in another abject defeat and ten or twenty years from then, our children's children will be seeing their loved ones die for no reason, because their grandparents also bought into this corrupt system. George Bush will never be impeached because if the Democrats dig too deeply, they may unearth a few skeletons in their own graves and the system will perpetuate itself in perpetuity.
I am going to take whatever I have left and go home. I am going to go home and be a mother to my surviving children and try to regain some of what I have lost. I will try to maintain and nurture some very positive relationships that I have found in the journey that I was forced into when Casey died and try to repair some of the ones that have fallen apart since I began this single-minded crusade to try and change a paradigm that is now, I am afraid, carved in immovable, unbendable and rigidly mendacious marble.
Camp Casey has served its purpose. It's for sale. Anyone want to buy five beautiful acres in Crawford, Texas? I will consider any reasonable offer. I hear George Bush will be moving out soon, too…which makes the property even more valuable.
This is my resignation letter as the "face" of the American anti-war movement. This is not my "Checkers" moment, because I will never give up trying to help people in the world who are harmed by the empire of the good old US of A, but I am finished working in, or outside of this system. This system forcefully resists being helped and eats up the people who try to help it. I am getting out before it totally consumes me or anymore people that I love and the rest of my resources.
Good-bye America…you are not the country that I love and I finally realized no matter how much I sacrifice, I can't make you be that country unless you want it.
It's up to you now.

stop the ice chewing: dentist pleads

Uh, Dr. Selma Ramji. I love my dentist. 20 years, on and off, she's been mine, mine, mine. I originally met her at Toastmasters, when we were both young whippersnappers. Now we are both in our 40s - well her more than me. Ha! Her office is in North Van, where I used to live. Mid-Lonsdale right now but moving in 6 months to the Lonsdale Quay, so easy-peasy for anyone coming from Vancouver.

I've referred at least four of my colleagues to her and sometimes their significant others too. Oddly, I do not get a free anything for that.

I went yesterday for my 6 month checkup and cleaning. Dr. Ramji herself did the scaling! I was floored I was. That's a good dentist who will do the lowly work. Oooh and she scaled like no one's business, cleaning out all of the corners.

'Owie," said I.

"I want it spotless in there," said she.

"Really, a little dust left is okay," said I.

She be a perfectionist, be Selma.

Darned if I wasn't bleeding all over the mouth. Too much information, I know.

I suspect I don't take care of my teeth very well at all. Thank god I finally have some 80% dental coverage, well 50% on the crowns I keep needing. Turns out I've broken another molar due to my obsessive ice chewing. Selma knows not to nag me because then I run away and never visit the dentist. But she's quite worried.

Also, I have a wee cavity on oddly a front tooth.

So at the end of June I will go in for a one hour! appointment. The broken molar either requires a crown ($$$$$$) or a filling ($$$$). I'm hoping for the filling.

Either way, no more ice chewing. Seriously, it is such an odd addiction. I've emptied out my ice trays (sob!). I'll have to learn to ask for no ice when I order drinks. sob.

Schnee's blog says it's going up to 37C next weekend. That is crazy although it will be a good chance to get out to the outdoor pools that I love. Oooh, other people may also have that same thought.

off for a mid-late afternoon nap.

early evening at Tracy's

and thanks to Zoe, almost four, for pointing out the snail to me. I'm on a bit of a photo jag, it may not pass for awhile.

a Trout Lake photo medley

Trout Lake, May 22, 2007, around 6 p.m.

vacuums anbd the Titanic

I bought a new vacuum this afternoon. Yee haw.
It's quite exciting because I've had this mini-
Hoover for about a year now, a canister vacuum.
The problem was that it simply didn't, well, suck. So I decided to get a new one. There be the Dirt Devil on the right. I had to do a bit of assembly (proud of self, proud) and then wow!!!!! It's a loud sucker (hee) but wow. It collected SO MUCH DIRT that I can't believe that I was living with that in here, in addition to the mice, my god. The carpets look much better and i'm sure my lungs thank me. And now the mice can breathe better too. I have to joke about the mice or I will scream and get a sore throat.
Marty, I think you may know for mice because you've lived in the country before. Advice, please, if you have any.
I went yesterday with three co-worker women, to the Titanic exhibit in Victoria. It was a long day - three and a half hours each way by bus and ferry. Oooh and I was cranky. Kudos to Kristina, work Michelle and Charleen for putting up with me.
The black and white photo is a photo of a photo. You weren't allowed to take pictures in the museum exhibit itself, this was outside of it.
The exhibit was quite good but there was chaos inside of the museum. There were lineups for lineups and no one seemed to know anything.
The highlight was the IMAX film from 1991 which showed three scientists going down to the wreckage 12,500 feet at the bottom of the sea. They went in a sealed contraption because water pressure from that depth can slice a body in half!!!!! An amazing film.
I have more pictures to show later - mostly ones of the people I went with.

I've had

an interesting comment from someone wanting to contact me directly. So this post is for them. The rest of the wee fan base can skip!
ha.
Person - you can e-mail me at an alternative e-mail address I have - caramelapplecider@hotmail.com
look forward to hearing from you.
this sounds so stealth and CIA like.
everyone else, carry on.

lunch, air care

Well, gosh darn if my car didn't pass air care today! Yee haw. So I have another year with the old beast, although I did notice a few lights on today that shouldn't have been.

Ah well.

Today was the last day of the session so it's a lunch out day with the students (they pay for themselves in case you are wondering, and I get reimbursed up to twenty dollars). They wanted to go to the Thai House on Robson. The Koreans enjoyed the spicier dishes, while the Japanese students chose the less spicier things. I also had a no spicy dish. I like Thai food because it's healthy and light and I don't feel all full after like I do when we go to Milestones. Nothing wrong with Milestones but it's a bit big for me for lunch.

I won't go into details because it's ticking me off/grossing me out - but the mice situation has reared its head again. I've met three in my 7 and a half month tenure here - one alive, one dead and one almost dead and disoriented. The landlady wasn't home but I found a one-eyed tenant (don't ask) who came up and helped me. A patch would serve him (and those who look at him) well. So I left two frustrated/grossed out/angry messages on my landlady's machine and up she came. She's frustrated too. Yup, I must move because I don't like the neighbourhood and the mice are annoying as anything. And gross, I reiterate. Oh, Alayne, please hold off on your gross mouse stories and how it is going to kill me, etc, - love you to death but ick.

A cloudy night tonight. Work involved a bit of stirring up and being stirred up and a nice lunch with the students, who were thrilled when I took their pictures.

Carry on.

cutey patooty

So I went to the park and randomly took photos of children.
ha! no, scared you though. This is Mira, the cute wee child I wrote about a wild back. Cute x 800. Although she did keep asking me, "are you a mama?" Cutee.
Now don't be worrying, mom Gabrielle has given me permission to post any photos I want of wee Mira.
What else be happening?
I can't really think straight - i think the medication I am taking to help me sleep (not narcotics or sleeping pills) is building up in my system and leaving me feel really lousy all day. I'm cutting down on them therefore and will speak to the shrink when i finally see her on friday - it's been five long weeks!
I was happily posting in a Dominican Republic forum about sex tourism there until the name-calling from the (male) ex-pats got too much. Yikes, you get an intelligent and thought-provoking thread going and someone pipes in to let me know I'm a pious cretin. Now sure that could be true but name-calling really wrecks a good discussion. so there.
The weather has turned lovely lovely. I heard talk of storms coming starting tomorrow and through the weekend, but we'll see. I'm going to Victoria for the Titanic exhibit on Sunday (oooh, and then taking a ferry back, oooh)
More later, my brain is foggy.

muffin tops

Well, thse are actually whole muffins, not just the part of your stomach that spills out over too tight pants. Strawberry-banana, slightly healthier too with brown sugar and apple sauce. I see that they are spilling out of their slots, that's because they are so big. I decided to do a little cooking/baking this morning after not doing so much for awhile - muffins, chili and a rice salad for the week. I like to have these muffins at break time, better than a chocolate bar from the vending machine.
Ooh - I found a hairdresser! On Commercial drive. I wandered in to get an eyebrow and moustache wax and it turns out that they know for curly hair!!!! I'm going in today at 5 for a trim. They have only been there for a month. Young, hip type of thing but with the Commercial Drive flavour. The esthetician, a lovely young woman, used to work at the hoity-toity Sutton Place Hotel downtown. She left she said, because of all of the poodles. Dogs? I asked. No, no, that's the term for high-maintenance, rich women. Giggle. I like this girl already. Turns out she bikini waxed a few celebs on a regular basis - a couple of actresses from the L-Word - Mia Kirshner, a total, total bitch apparently, which I believe because I've hear that before. And Jennifer Beals. Beals of the Lulu Lemon fiasco a couple of years back. Turns out Ms. Beals is kind and not bitchy to those who do their jobs well and help her, so this girl is well-loved by her. Jennifer still goes into the Sutton hotel and asks for her and she's hoping to lure her over to the Commercial Drive salon. The lesbian owners would be thrilled, she said. "Oh my god," I said, "do you know how many lesbians would die to be able to give Jennifer Beals a bikini wax." Ha.
So the woman who ripped out my moustache hair has also touched the fuzzy bits of Jennifer Beals. Oh and I found out the name of her baby, a fact that she has carefully kept from the media. Too bad I don't so much care and too bad I can't sell said information. Not really.
Well, i'm going to relax for awhile. I'm not feeling very well, which sucks, because I'm having the writing group over tomorrow evening and the chips are at the ready. There's this out-of-season flu going around my workplace. eek.
oh and thanks again to the awesome Toaster Mel, who set me up on wireless. It wasn't an easy task and involved phoning of 1-800 numbers and using words like "cashing." Apparently the Shaw Cable guy sighed in relief at dealing with her on the phone and not me. She suspects things have been written in my file. Oops.
Happy Mother's Day to all mothers or mother representatives.

dog days

There's Normie and one of his owners in Trout Lake Park yesterday afternoon. I loved this dog. If ever I get me a dog, it's going to be a Normie.
I must say again how much I am loving this computer. I can do all kinds of things - I've just discovered the fix photos thing - my god - I cropped, I eliminated red eye, I brightened. amazing. Don't know how long the keyboard will survive my pounding of it though - must lighten up my fingers.
Went 5-pin bowling last night - a truly Canadian invention, says Kristina's husband. 1909. The year I was born, ha.
It was disco bowling, with wacky lights and bad music (example, the new Avril Lavigne). Kristina and her hubbie had a visitor in from Austria, so it was a cultural thing really. i didn't get one strike, distressing.
just a short post today again, must play with my computer. i have found the meaning of life. and all this time i thought it was a good chip.

a couple of more photos

oooh - i bought my first laptop computer! excellent, excellent, excellent.
Busy figuring it out, so for now - enjoy these two photos. a flower and work Michelle. ain't she hot.
i know many hot women.

oops, that pic is sideways

oh well, i'm far too lazy to fix it. kind of a funky arty shot. My friend Fiona took it. that's the lovely Fiona on the right. I can hear the wee fan base asking why i haven't mentioned the lovely Fiona before. Well, she just moved back to Vancouver after 7 years in Seattle/Spokane. And glad to have her back we are. She's a really good friend of Tracy's and a good pal o mine. I've known her for like 11 years or something, since she was a young pup. Ain't she grand.
In yuckier news, my insomnia has fully reared it's ugly head again. Aaargh. I believe lack of sleep is used as a form of torture in war. I can see why. Uncle, I say. say uncle and i do.

and a nice photo

of the happy couple. Sam on the left (shorter) and Kyra, my good pal Kyra.
awesome.

A toast to the Toaster

There's the Toaster on the right, since many of you may have been wondering what Toaster Melanie looked like. This was taken in my wee apartment.
Phew. After hours spent trying to fix my lame computer, it turns out it was merely the USB cord that was not working. A fresh one was gotten. Toaster kept me from rushing out and spending lots and unnecessary money on another USB port, as had been suggested to me. I'm telling you, wee fan base, the Toaster went above and beyond the call of duty on this one.
She has also perused a few websites and has suggested a not-too-badly priced laptop for me that I plan to purchase very soon, since my computer is still shot really.
I'm going to add a few more photos to the blog now and then quickly get them off of my hard drive, since my hard drive is hemorraging memory. no, wait, leaking is the correct word, says Toaster.

a little chilly

really for this time of year. it was raining and cool all day and now I have the heat on. aargh. May 6.
I'm still unable to upload my photos and after trying for a long time, Toaster Melanie (now known simply as Toaster) feels that it may actually be the camera or the USB cord, not the computer. We tried out her camera on my computer and it worked. So back to London Drugs I go tomorrow to have them test it on their computers. Sigh. Oh well.
I do indeed have some nice photos of the lesbian wedding yesterday. It was a really nice wee ceremony in the gardens in Chinatown. Just a small crowd of about 15 people. Good thing too because we were in a tiny gazebo.
Kyra and Sam were literally gazing in each others' eyes the whole time. Sam looked about ready to burst from happiness. Now normally I avoid weddings like the proverbial plague because, you know, I'm, well deeply depressed about my single status. But Kyra, Kyra has always touched my heart. You know how there are a few people in your life who you love in kind of a protective way? That is how I feel about Kyra. Before I left we hugged and she said to me, "before there were all these lesbians in my life, there was you. I haven't forgotten that." Gulp. I told her I kept trying to be a lesbian, or at least bisexual, because I know I'd have better luck.
"I could see, you know, kissing," I said to her, "but the rest, not so much." "So," I went on, "if you can find a woman who is not too butch who just wants to kiss, that would be temporarily okay."
"I see," she said, "thanks for the criteria."
The reception was held at a small and funky cafe in Gastown, the name of which I temporarily forget. It starts with an A. With the small amount of people I felt somewhat awkward at first, so luckily my friend Tracy can talk to wallpaper and make interesting conversation. Then we got to talking to some of the people - mainly women - and they were cool and fun. There were great appetizers and lots of cool music. Tracy was dressed even more dykely (not really a word) than usual (despite, oddly, being married to a man) and we figured people thought we were together. Didn't matter really but I did catch myself somehow working my straightness into a conversation.
"Why is it," I asked Tracy after, "when I see a lesbian couple I picture them having sex right away? I mean I picture that in straight couples too but not like, right away."
"Hmmm." she said. "Hmmm."
"Oh and Kyra is going to try and find me a woman who won't mind the fact that I wouldn't, you know, actually want to have sex with her. Although the lack of razor stubble is a plus."
"Really? Is she going to?" Tracy would just be thrilled if I were getting any action of any kind, like, ever.
"No, I think she knew I was joking. But you know that one girl, the one who read the telegrams? She was kind of cute. A nice nose and kind of between fem and butch."
Tracy, herself a true bisexual and not a wannabe like me, preferred this other girl who was a bit overweight but quite funky.
I also realized at this wedding that I simply don't like any kind of sushi. I tried the veggie sushi and the sushi with yams and not so much enjoyed it.
Oh, to be young and in love.
"They were able to gaze into each others' eyes for a really long time," noted Tracy, in our post mortem of the event.
"It was very sweet but it also made me want to gag too a bit."
"I hate gagging," I noted, "and dry heaving. Remember my airplane dry heaving?"
It was lovely to see Kyra's brother and sister-in-law there with their wee daughter. While they disagree with Kyra's homosexuality, they told her that they loved her and wanted to be there for her. Sniffle. They looked really uncomfortable the whole time but good on them. Her parents wouldn't come and wouldn't permit her 17-year-old brother to come either. Kyra is a strong woman and has come such a long way since when I first met her and she was closeted and miserable living with her parents. She went to Ontario to visit another brother and the whole time was spent trying to tell her of her sinful ways.
This topic of homosexuality and Christianity has come up a few times for me lately. To be clear, lots of branches of Christianity have no problem at all with it - Tracy herself is an Anglican. Now the issue has unfortunately split the Anglican church. But other denominations - United for example - have no issue with it. It is the more fundamentalist demoninations like Pentecostal, Alliance, Baptist and some others that find it a sin. From my years in these types of churches, I know it is the literal interpretation of the bible that brings about this belief. the old "love the sinner, hate the sin," type thing. Now, because this has gotten me in hot water before, I want to clarify that by no means do all people who go to these churches have the same beliefs or believe that homosexuality is wrong. From my experience though, there is sometimes almost an obsession with homosexuality in some Christian circles. Again, by no means all. Aaargh, I'm chronically worried about offending people but this is admittedly a hot potato. I never really liked the "love the sinner, hate the sin" idea - that was akin to saying, "who you are is wrong but we love you," or at the very least, "what you are doing is wrong and even though you think it is fulfilling you, it really is not and it is wrong to boot."
Tragically, this has brought about so much unnecessary suffering and so much more hiding. Jesus himself never once speaks about homosexuality and if he were hanging around as a guy today, I don't see him being all tied up in knots about it. I suspect (could be wrong) he'd be more concerned with a few other problems happening.
Personally, I think people get all twisted up about homosexuality because, well, it's sexuality.
So there's my wee rant.
Hopefully, my camera problem will be resolved soon and I can post a few photos. Even my wee photos, newby photographer that I am, you can't help but see how in love they are. I get verklempt just thinking about it.
In other news, I love portuguese buns and Havarti cheese. I got some lovely buns, cheese and corned beef from Santa Barbara Market on the Drive. Ooh, gonna have me some fine lunches this week.
And finally, if a semi-famous or famous person should ever come across my blog, feel free to offer to finance it into a book or better yet, simply offer to finance my full-time writing career. That I would appreciate immensely.
As you were.

a minor glitch

wee fan base, there's a minor glitch in being able to download photos onto my ancient computer, so you may have to wait a wee while for more photos.
I know this is devastating, but together we can survive.

digital camera excitement!

I'm even using an exclamation point! I received my income tax refund yesterday, so after work I headed over to London Drugs and got a lovely digital camera - the Kodak EasyShare 653. a nice little camera. I'm quite thrilled.

Thanks immensely to Toaster Melanie, who guided me on the phone for an hour to help me figure out how to download on my wee old computer. As usual, I had been unable to wait and had done some installing that needed to be unintalled. Thanks, Toaster Melanie again. So there is my first picture - some flowers downtown near the bus stop. Not a great photo, I took it in a rush and I'm not a great photographer but I will be a-learning. Since my hard drive can't save lots of photos because it is wee, I may just be putting a lot on my blog.

Yee haw, i'm all giggly.

I hope to be taking lots of photos at the wedding this weekend, so let's all look forward to that.

Oh and by the way, kudos to the London Drugs salespeople again - I had two of them. One "put my camera together" and the other gave me some very helpful tips - including to buy rechargeable batteries.

yee haw.