a little Robert Fisk of the Independent

We've shut him up. The moment Saddam's hooded executioner pulled the lever of the trapdoor in Baghdad yesterday morning, Washington's secrets were safe. The shameless, outrageous, covert military support which the United States - and Britain - gave to Saddam for more than a decade remains the one terrible story which our presidents and prime ministers do not want the world to remember. And now Saddam, who knew the full extent of that Western support - given to him while he was perpetrating some of the worst atrocities since the Second World War - is dead.

Gone is the man who personally received the CIA's help in destroying the Iraqi communist party. After Saddam seized power, US intelligence gave his minions the home addresses of communists in Baghdad and other cities in an effort to destroy the Soviet Union's influence in Iraq. Saddam's mukhabarat visited every home, arrested the occupants and their families, and butchered the lot. Public hanging was for plotters; the communists, their wives and children, were given special treatment - extreme torture before execution at Abu Ghraib.

There is growing evidence across the Arab world that Saddam held a series of meetings with senior American officials prior to his invasion of Iran in 1980 - both he and the US administration believed that the Islamic Republic would collapse if Saddam sent his legions across the border - and the Pentagon was instructed to assist Iraq's military machine by providing intelligence on the Iranian order of battle. One frosty day in 1987, not far from Cologne, I met the German arms dealer who initiated those first direct contacts between Washington and Baghdad - at America's request.

"Mr Fisk... at the very beginning of the war, in September of 1980, I was invited to go to the Pentagon," he said. "There I was handed the very latest US satellite photographs of the Iranian front lines. You could see everything on the pictures. There were the Iranian gun emplacements in Abadan and behind Khorramshahr, the lines of trenches on the eastern side of the Karun river, the tank revetments - thousands of them - all the way up the Iranian side of the border towards Kurdistan. No army could want more than this. And I travelled with these maps from Washington by air to Frankfurt and from Frankfurt on Iraqi Airways straight to Baghdad. The Iraqis were very, very grateful!"

I was with Saddam's forward commandos at the time, under Iranian shellfire, noting how the Iraqi forces aligned their artillery positions far back from the battle front with detailed maps of the Iranian lines. Their shelling against Iran outside Basra allowed the first Iraqi tanks to cross the Karun within a week. The commander of that tank unit cheerfully refused to tell me how he had managed to choose the one river crossing undefended by Iranian armour. Two years ago, we met again, in Amman and his junior officers called him "General" - the rank awarded him by Saddam after that tank attack east of Basra, courtesy of Washington's intelligence information.

Iran's official history of the eight-year war with Iraq states that Saddam first used chemical weapons against it on 13 January 1981. AP's correspondent in Baghdad, Mohamed Salaam, was taken to see the scene of an Iraqi military victory east of Basra. "We started counting - we walked miles and miles in this fucking desert, just counting," he said. "We got to 700 and got muddled and had to start counting again ... The Iraqis had used, for the first time, a combination - the nerve gas would paralyse their bodies ... the mustard gas would drown them in their own lungs. That's why they spat blood."

At the time, the Iranians claimed that this terrible cocktail had been given to Saddam by the US. Washington denied this. But the Iranians were right. The lengthy negotiations which led to America's complicity in this atrocity remain secret - Donald Rumsfeld was one of President Ronald Reagan's point-men at this period - although Saddam undoubtedly knew every detail. But a largely unreported document, "United States Chemical and Biological Warfare-related Dual-use exports to Iraq and their possible impact on the Health Consequences of the Persian Gulf War", stated that prior to 1985 and afterwards, US companies had sent government-approved shipments of biological agents to Iraq. These included Bacillus anthracis, which produces anthrax, andEscherichia coli (E. coli). That Senate report concluded that: "The United States provided the Government of Iraq with 'dual use' licensed materials which assisted in the development of Iraqi chemical, biological and missile-systems programs, including ... chemical warfare agent production facility plant and technical drawings, chemical warfare filling equipment."

Nor was the Pentagon unaware of the extent of Iraqi use of chemical weapons. In 1988, for example, Saddam gave his personal permission for Lt-Col Rick Francona, a US defence intelligence officer - one of 60 American officers who were secretly providing members of the Iraqi general staff with detailed information on Iranian deployments, tactical planning and bomb damage assessments - to visit the Fao peninsula after Iraqi forces had recaptured the town from the Iranians. He reported back to Washington that the Iraqis had used chemical weapons to achieve their victory. The senior defence intelligence officer at the time, Col Walter Lang, later said that the use of gas on the battlefield by the Iraqis "was not a matter of deep strategic concern".

I saw the results, however. On a long military hospital train back to Tehran from the battle front, I found hundreds of Iranian soldiers coughing blood and mucus from their lungs - the very carriages stank so much of gas that I had to open the windows - and their arms and faces were covered with boils. Later, new bubbles of skin appeared on top of their original boils. Many were fearfully burnt. These same gases were later used on the Kurds of Halabja. No wonder that Saddam was primarily tried in Baghdad for the slaughter of Shia villagers, not for his war crimes against Iran.

We still don't know - and with Saddam's execution we will probably never know - the extent of US credits to Iraq, which began in 1982. The initial tranche, the sum of which was spent on the purchase of American weapons from Jordan and Kuwait, came to $300m. By 1987, Saddam was being promised $1bn in credit. By 1990, just before Saddam's invasion of Kuwait, annual trade between Iraq and the US had grown to $3.5bn a year. Pressed by Saddam's foreign minister, Tariq Aziz, to continue US credits, James Baker then Secretary of State, but the same James Baker who has just produced a report intended to drag George Bush from the catastrophe of present- day Iraq - pushed for new guarantees worth $1bn from the US.

In 1989, Britain, which had been giving its own covert military assistance to Saddam guaranteed £250m to Iraq shortly after the arrest of Observer journalist Farzad Bazoft in Baghdad. Bazoft, who had been investigating an explosion at a factory at Hilla which was using the very chemical components sent by the US, was later hanged. Within a month of Bazoft's arrest William Waldegrave, then a Foreign Office minister, said: "I doubt if there is any future market of such a scale anywhere where the UK is potentially so well-placed if we play our diplomatic hand correctly... A few more Bazofts or another bout of internal oppression would make it more difficult."

Even more repulsive were the remarks of the then Deputy Prime Minister, Geoffrey Howe, on relaxing controls on British arms sales to Iraq. He kept this secret, he wrote, because "it would look very cynical if, so soon after expressing outrage about the treatment of the Kurds, we adopt a more flexible approach to arms sales".

Saddam knew, too, the secrets of the attack on the USS Stark when, on 17 May 1987, an Iraqi jet launched a missile attack on the American frigate, killing more than a sixth of the crew and almost sinking the vessel. The US accepted Saddam's excuse that the ship was mistaken for an Iranian vessel and allowed Saddam to refuse their request to interview the Iraqi pilot.

The whole truth died with Saddam Hussein in the Baghdad execution chamber yesterday. Many in Washington and London must have sighed with relief that the old man had been silenced for ever.

and discuss . . .

1) His fate has become almost a sideshow in the great struggle now unfolding in Iraq. His dying wish, expressed in a letter written in jail, called for Iraqis to unite.

They are unlikely to listen.


The Bush administration, struggling to set a new course in Iraq, will try to make capital out of Saddam Hussein's removal.

But it was thought when he was captured in December 2003 ("We got him," declared the American administrator Paul Bremer) that it would demoralise the insurgency. It did not.

And nor will his death.

The future of Iraq and its place in the Middle East remains to be determined by players other than Saddam Hussein.

Paul.Reynolds-INTERNET@bbc.co.uk

2)"Saddam Hussein's execution comes at the end of a difficult year for the Iraqi people and for our troops. Bringing [him] to justice will not end the violence in Iraq, but it is an important milestone on Iraq's course to becoming a democracy that can govern, sustain, and defend itself, and be an ally in the war on terror.

"Many difficult choices and further sacrifices lie ahead. Yet the safety and security of the American people require that we not relent in ensuring that Iraq's young democracy continues to progress."
- President George W. Bush

3)RICHARD DICKER, HUMAN RIGHTS WATCH
"The test of a government's commitment to human rights is measured by the way it treats its worst offenders."

4)Praise God! We can now look to see if this sets the world on fire as some have speculated or if this will begin the healing process. Only time will tell. One thing we can be sure of is that Dictators around the world have learned a lesson that says, "If you kill your own people, and you rape your own people, and you torture your own people, and if you enslave your own people you will be safe! Even mass genocide is acceptable. However, if you branch out and threaten other nations you might get overthrown and executed like Saddam!" I don't think this is the best message we could be sending, but until we grow enough backbone to do what is right.....we will have to settle for this.....Justice, one mad man at a time.
Squamata, USA

5)Another Dearborn resident, Akim Altamimi, was jubilant.

"What I'd like to say to the United States, also to the American people, George Bush, he's the man. He's the man," Altamimi said. "He did what he said he would. Today is our dream.

"I'm so happy, man. I'm so happy."

6)Australian Foreign Minister Alexander Downer

"No matter what one might think about the death penalty, and the government of Iraq is aware of the Australian government's position on capital punishment, we must also respect the right of sovereign states to pass judgment relating to crimes committed against their people, within their jurisdictions. He has been brought to justice, following a process of fair trial and appeal, something he denied to countless thousands of victims of his regime

7)Amnesty International U.S.A. Director Larry Cox

"The rushed execution of Saddam Hussein is simply wrong. It signifies justice denied for countless victims who endured unspeakable suffering during his regime, and now have been denied their right to see justice served."

8)"Saddam's heinous crimes against humanity can never be diminished, but he was our ally while he was doing it," he said Friday. "Saddam as a war trophy only deepens the catastrophe to which we are indelibly linked."

- Reverend Jesse Jackson

9)I looked and searched from a quote from Stephen Harper, PM of Canada, couldn't find one. Maybe it would be - "yeah, what he said." I'm sure they'll be lots tomorrow.

10)
"This is our celebration of the death of Saddam," he said while standing on top of a car following reports that Saddam had been hanged. "The gift of our New Year is the murder of Saddam Hussein.
"If you want to share the Iraqi people's happiness for the death of Saddam, raise your voice and your hands."
- Imam Husham Al-Husainy

11) "Doh!" - Homer Simpson

In other news, Schnee made me laugh with her odd, but possibly accurate thought that many people in Vancouver don't realize that they are driving. "They actually think that they are sitting in their living rooms." I had lots of residual laughter over that one.
And finally, internet dating sites are just not working for me in terms of meeting men. many reasons but people, where oh where can a gal go?

the one with a curse word at the start

Shocking, wee fan base, shocking I realize.
Before I get to that - Marty, please have Debbie check her e-mail as I have sent her one requesting an e-mail photo of your family. Thank you.
Let's face it right off the top, wee fan base, my family of origin, the only one I've got, is basically fucked. Blah blah blah - tension here, tension there, don't come out here says sister to me, and I don't want to go visit the parents although my mother would be happier than a happy person if I did even though the tension is crazy thick. Parents getting older, never have a normal conversation (or any conversation) with dad. well, his parents did disown him almost 50 years ago so that is the reason we rationalize this. Yup. yup. There are no victims here, as much as I'd like to be one. Just yuckiness. And yes, I am lucky they are still alive to have thick tension with. Indeed.
But still, fucked. I'm not afraid to say that only because, i) my parents don't own a computer and I believe my mother has never even been on the internet ii) my sister doesn't read my blog. But should she, she'd agree. Fucked, she might say or something less swear like.
So I have mixed feelings about Christmas. I like all of the images of snow and Christmas lights and carols and turkey. I like people stopping me on the street and saying Merry Christmas (even in my neighbourhood and apartment building where they are more likely to be drunk and staggering than not). I like the home baking and chocolates that appear. I enjoy the Christmas money my parents pop into my account. I love sending my niece her Christmas/birthday gifts. Her birthday is Dec. 31st and she will be 10 this year. She, by the way, is not part of the fuckedupness of my family. She's awesome.
But I always wonder what the heck I am going to do on Christmas eve and Christmas day. Christmas, like it or not, is a time of family. Often blood-related family. Not always of course but among my circle it is. What's a gal to do? I am honoured to be invited to other people's things but worry about feeling like an add-on. You know the drill.
But then let me tell you about the awesomeness of some of my friends.
Christmas Eve. I banged on Tracy's door about 1 p.m. "Eeek," said she, "you are early." "yup, here's pie. I was bored."
No worries. Tracy set me to work doing a thing or two as she prepared the evening meal. We know each other so well by now that I'm not feeling too invasive. For added excitement and I'm sure she wouldn't mind my mentioning this, Tracy even had a wee anger meltdown that temporarily left her wee family and I cowering in the bathroom, but only for a couple of minutes. She's spirited, Tracy is. The day passed and soon enough there was turkey etc. and a couple of her husband's friends as well. I left about 7:30 p.m. and headed over to Kristina and Stefan's. I stayed only long enough for a game of Cranium as for some reason their two cats were making me sneeze and cough, don't know why, that's not usual for me. Her sister was there too. Stefan likes to call me by my last name and to generally tease me into swearing, at which point he says, "watch your language." But deep down, I think he likes me.
Christmas Day I hit the jackpot. I headed over around 3 p.m. to my co-worker Glenda's abode in the Dunbar area. She and her physics prof husband Ian have been married 30 years, have a beautiful house in a beautiful area and have two grown children: Geoff and Kate. Both Geoff and Kate were home this year, both having spent the better part of 2006 in Central and South America separately. Geoff was working in Oaxaca, helping out the people. Geoff is 25 and a great catch for any of my younger fan base. He is smart and the least pretentious person I've met. They raised this boy well they did. He is also for the moment an ESL teacher and worked with glenda and I at our union school last year. Suffice it to say all of the female students fell in love with him. Kate I met for the first time. She is 23 and absolutely stunningly gorgeous. "Are you sure you took home the right baby in 1983," I tease Glenda. "They say she looks a bit like me," notes Ian, "rather an insult to her I think." Kate is beautiful, Geoff is gorgeous and they were raised right.
They had many people over in addition to me - Glenda's aunt and her aunt's father and aunt, some friends from Bangladesh, an old friend of Glenda's and her daughter, and a few other people. Oh and Ian's dad. The sweetest thing I saw all evening was Ian, with his arm around his 85-year-old almost stone deaf dad, showing him how to text message on his new cell phone. The oldest person there that evening was 93 and the youngest was 23. I felt like a spring chicken for the first time in years.
There was amazing food and fun conversation and I even saw a picture of Geoff with CNN's Anderson Cooper. Seems Geoff met him one night in Oaxaca and they hung out. "Did he hit on you?" I asked (straight) Geoff. Apparently not. He is a cutie, that Anderson.
Glenda gave me a lovely throw blanket and a homemade meatpie as Christmas presents. I teared up because I hadn't expected anything.
"Are there always this many people here at Christmas?" I asked her.
"Oh yeah," said she, "and you are welcome anytime to my Christmas table."
That's some woman that Glenda.
In an ideal world I'd have a family of my own. In a better world I'd accept not having a family of my own and not beat myself upabout it.
But, in the world I am in, the one where I poke people and they poke me and I'm not as forgiving/loveable/easygoing as I'd like to be and what I want to control I can't so I therefore keep trying to, that's the world that people like Tracy, like Glenda step into and say get over here anyway, here's some turkey and a throw blanket.
That be grace, me thinks.
Merry merry.

Donald Trump likens himself a Christ figure

But was he born in a manger? Seems Miss USA, the pageant I guess Trump owns, got herself in a wee bit of New York City trouble recently - partying, drinking, cocaineing it up.
"I'm giving her a second chance," said, Trump/Christ. He's also offered her some free rehab.
"I'm not really an alcoholic (sic)" said she, "but why turn down free rehab?"
So there you go. She tearfully lamented her misdeeds and Trump/Christ said yeah, NYC can do that to the young and uninitiated. He never actually said that he was Christ, I should clarify, but I'm sure the comparison would please him.
Oh please.
I've recently discovered Knorr carton soups, I tried broccoli and cheese last night, liked it. The red pepper/tomato I didn't. Don't know why I never noticed these soups before. Unfortunately they all have cream in them but they make a nice meal.
Speaking of cream, my Brazilian student (not the one who likens me to the anti-Christ/Trump) is wondering do we sell real fresh cream in Vancouver like they do in Brazil. I know not, said I, fantasizing about whipped cream.
Uh, Christmas week. Since I seemingly haven't been fired yet (glory be) I've been enjoying the Christmas treats brought in. My boss is taking today and tomorrow off but brought in some Turtles and Almondillos and Pot of Gold. Someone else brought in some nuts and bolts. All rather cruel to my nut-allergic co-worker Kristina. She did show us where in her bag her epi-pen is so that someone calmer than me could administer it if required. I could call 911 and then faint in solidarity. I remember once a friend's mother and I were helping a young female postal worker who'd been caught between her truck and a postal box. She'd managed to yank herself out but had hurt her leg. She was going into shock - sweating, feeling faint. Soon enough I needed a chair, feeling, well, faint.
Back to the treats. Whilst nauseous for some reason today, I pigged out on the chocolates. Like pigs to the trough, those of us not on holiday this week, gathered around the Pot of Gold, looking at the chocolate picture map. "I want the cherry one!" I announced.
Then my very cool former students Momoko and Ju Hee asked me to appear in a goodbye video for student Taisuke.
"Sure," I shouted out so that the assistant manager couldn't possibly miss hearing me. "I'm going into the hall with STUDENTS WHO LIKE ME." Well heck, if I can be given all of the crap from students who are distressed by me, they can hear me make these announcements. I mean really.
Oh I finally bought a new computer keyboard - overpriced but it works well and even has a lovely wrist rest.
That be all for now.
I'm a little crampy, think that Knorr soup has set me off. Too much information? of course.

Hannah and her sister

Well, actually she has four younger sisters but I hung out with only Hannah and the next oldest, Karah. And Ceone, a cool 26-year-old who lives in their community.
I adore these kids - I've known them since Hannah was in utero. I've had my ups and downs with their community and some very cool melodramatic shouting matches with mainly their mother (but we love each other), these kids are amazing.
this afternoon we went to Granville Island, Hannah wanted to go to Paper-Ya. She makes all of her own christmas cards. Well, who knew how many different types of paper that there were. I sure didn't. Wowza. Beautiful but expensive. And crowded in the store. Oy vay
Hannah must have spent two hours looking. Karah and I walked around a bit. Karah is 14 and adorably wonderful. She loves to read so we like talking about that. We went to the bookstore and she pointed out a few books she thought I'd like. So sweet. She likes fantasy/science fiction and talked at length about a bookstore a family friend took her to. I forget what it's called but it's on Alma and sounds like a fantasty bookstore. Oh yeah, the White Dwarf. "there's books everywhere," said she, still clearly in awe. She tells me that she doesn't like any of those "teenage" books where "boys chase girls and all of that." She also hates Seventeen Magazine. I love, love, love this girl. Growing up in the Downtown Eastside has been very good in so many ways for them. And I will add that Hannah has won the Pivot Legal Society Calendar contest this year. Pivot gives out disposable cameras to residents of the Downtown Eastside and puts 12 of the best pictures into their yearly calendar. Hannah won $500 for top prize. By the way, the calendars can be bought at various bookstores and vendors on the street. If you buy from a vendor, he gets to keep some of the money. the calendars are $20. Any out of town fan base want one, let me know and you can pay me back. They're a great idea - they "humanize" the part of our city that gets marginalized.
What else? I'm at Tracy's and she is wrapping her 3-year-old daughter's Christmas presents in cloth handkerchiefs and scarves. i'm not sure why, but she has informed me just now that she is cheap and environmentally concerned. Yup, let's go with that. Her mother-in-law continues to send her handkerchiefs for no known reason, ad nauseum. Tracy wants my wee fan base to know that she is still quite upset with her mother-in-law, who by the way lives out of town, about the horrible summer visit. Suffice it to say that the visit ended in melodrama and hotels being called and visited. In all of the years of knowing Tracy, this was the height of melodrama, surpassing even her husband's 911 call about his sore throat.
But lest you think Tracy is the only melodramatic one in our little friendship, she isn't always. Let's not forget the near-fainting-incident. Also, there was the great let's just call it, Dixie Chicks free concert ticket fiasco which resulted in Tracy swearing on the telephone at me whilst I was at work. Actually, that swearing incident was oddly invigorating. But that's just me.
You see, wee fan base, because I don't have a husband I have made Tracy my wife. Minus the fuzzy bits parts although after I had my near-fainting thing, we did cuddle a bit and watch, "Little People, Big World" together.That is a reality show of sorts about 2 married little people and their four children, only one of whom is a little person. It airs Sat. afternoons from 4-6 p.m. but they are now into repeats. but if you've never seen it, it's not a repeat to you. I only watch from 5-6 because repeats of Beverly Hills 90210 is on from 4-5.
Phew. next blog, more moving to Vancouver memories.

a little memory lane

apologies for the lack of blogging. I had posted one, but wasn't happy with it - too maudlin.
and my spacebar is still causing trouble.
Anyway, no discussion of my work woes, woeful as they may be.
I've also spent far too much time alone this weekend, so, ick.
Anyway, it was 20 years ago this upcoming January 7, I think, that I moved my young self from Winnipeg to Vancouver. A rather big deal for me, as I hadn't lived on my own before, barely even boiled water. I was 20 years old and had one friend out here.
For me, it was a big move.
For my mother,it was really hard. I know she hoped that I wouldn't find a job so that I would move back. I'd (temporarily) dropped out of university and did find a job - as a mail clerk at what was then Guaranty Trust at Howe and Pender. $1100/month,before taxes, sounded like a million dollars to me. I got that job 9 days after moving here, I always remember 9 days. Actually, the first week here I worked at Mrs. Vanelli's pizza in the food court of Capilano Mall for 3 hours @ $4/hour before getting fired, pizza dough everywhere. How embarrassing!
While in Capilano Mall applying for retail work, I ran into Emma Shields, manager of Den for men. I'd known her a bit in Winnipeg. We were thrilled to meet someone we knew and hung out a lot. I'm smiling at that memory - such grace to meet a friend.
I moved into a woman's house at 2939 Jones Avenue. She rented rooms and lived there with her two young sons. I lived for the first January month in a room with no heat and caught pneumonia. My poor worried mother!
I stuck it out, moved into a warmer room and mail clerked away.
So that is part one. Hope it's not too boring, oh wee fan base. For me it's great to remember. It makes me smile. For me, moving to Vancouver was a huge, brave deal that turned my life around, pulled me out of a difficult rut. I remember at the end of 1985 on a freezing cold November day, sitting in a chapel at the University of Manitoba, saying one word to god, to god as I understood (stand) him - help. I got it into my head to move to Vancouver. And now, for all of my life and brain woes, loneliness and work woes, Vancouver is my home.
Mrs. Vanelli would be proud.

ouch

Just a short post to let you all know that after a month and a half of no period, I now have such a heavy one that I almost want to break my toe to concentrate the pain elsewhere.
Apparently at my advanced age, irregular periods are a commonality.
As is chin hair.
Too much information I am absolutely certain.
Now that the male part of the wee fan base has gone running out of the room, perhaps the woman may have some helpful suggestions.
And finally, Sleepy, would you like to go into a military conflict with me? I'm only half-joking of course.

yup

I'm actually enjoying work these days. I have another nice morning class and I'm doing a higher level - a level I did last year so I had all of the materials. I'm enjoying the students and the "higher level" of lessons.
I only have two students in my Tues/Thurs afternoon class, due to an admin. screwup. This could have been disastrous - seeing as it is Discussion Skills. However, they are two lovely young women - teenagers actually - from Mexico and Brazil. They are great friends as they are also in their morning class together. They love to talk and have amazing attitudes. I can't really do the curriculum with only two students, so instead they are talking and I am taking notes of their mistakes. Then we go over their mistakes. They also want to do some newspaper reading. Easy and fun.
my spacebar is still broken! aargh, I say.
So just two more weeks of work and then a probable two month or so layoff. I will definitely need to find things to do or will go crazy(ier). Hopefully there will be some subbing or part-time hours, not so much for the money as for the doing somethingness of it all. sad irony of unemployment - lots of time to spend money and no money to spend.
Now, I know I'm a (too) sensitive kind of a person but I was very upset this afternoon when I found out that my former student, now in a different class, feels that I am racist against his culture/country. I won't say the country but you may guess it when I say that he was particularly upset when I had a student do a presentation on Anne Frank. I gave all of the students important (mainly dead) people - including Terry Fox, Mother Teresa, etc. Seems this student doesn't believe the Holocaust actually happened. He doesn't know I am half-Jewish or that the teacher he told this to is 100 per cent Jewish. Just as well, I think. Both he and his brother, who I've taught before and is currently in my Monday/Wed. afternoon class, find me racist against their country. Of course they don't tell me, we're all smiles in class.
I'm also ticked off at the teacher who took a bit too much pleasure in telling me all of these things. He likes to stir the pot. Mind you and fair enough, so do I. He erred though in discussing me ad nauseum with the two guys. He said he was "defending me" but they don't hear that. The general rule of thumb is that if students start ragging on a teacher, the other teacher doesn't continue the conversation. Suggestions are given as to who to talk to (i.e. the teacher or our boss, the director of studies). And you don't then tell the teacher what evil the student has said. This isn't a matter of hiding the issue and if it is a valid point (the teacher speaks too fast, etc) then that is, of course, a different story. I am being continually accused by these boys of racism, which is slanderous in and of itself. ("she doesn't like our food, our country, the way we treat women,etc.) The Holocaust-denying was also upsetting, whether or not my ancestors died there.
It is my responsibility from now on not to let this teacher get me into these conversations.
I was so angry and upset(yeah, teary) about all of this that it feels like an overreaction. My emotions blow up stronger in the last 9 months or so and it scares me. I've always been emotional (really? ha!)but the intensity seems amped up. I begin to feel embarrassed that I can't be calm like others and then I feel even more judged.
So there you go. Feeling sensitive, I must say that I would prefer that you didn't comment on how wrong I am in this situation, wee fan base. It already feels mountain-molehilly.
Marty - I know about Fiji but it is settling down. I take this to mean there is no chance of Debbie meeting me anywhere? Hawaii? The middle of the Pacific Ocean?
Tomorrow is the work Christmas potluck and I plan to eat enough to sustain me till March. Ha! I finally polished off my remaining butter tarts from my party. Yum! I just ate two at once!

tidbits

Well,wee fan base, this spacebar problem is making me crazy(ier).
I have to hold off on a laptop because today the boss tells some of us low on the seniority list that January and February are really really slow student-wise. I will most likely be laid off completely. It is my third January there and the first time without work at all.
"There are good years and bad years," said my co-worker Kristina. She is ever calm and I appreciate that. Of course she makes a valid point. Mind you, she also has a husband who works, so that's helpful for her too.
The good news is that after a two-week waiting period, I'll be eligible for E.I. I'm like the expert on E.I. - have been on it numerous times. The bad news is that the maximum you can get on E.I. is, after taxes, $1400 a month. That will take care of most of my expenses. So, if I don't actually drive my car or buy a magazine or go to a movie or eat out, it'll be okay. Thank god for savings. Up until I got this job two and a half years ago, I was so on-off employed that I knew to save when I could. Anyway,tis the slow season. My classes for this session have been completely changed and I will be teaching higher levels. I'm quite excited about the morning class, as it is a level I taught last year. I have a pretty good lesson package for it I must say. I spent hours on it last year, really made it good and then got booted from the level. Glad to be back if only for three weeks.
Now lest you think it is all bad, it certainly isn't. Part of me greatly enjoys the flexibility, this ain't no 9 to 5 gig. EI will support me and I will take great advantage I've decided, writing more (dammit!), actually submitting stories to literary magazines, getting a gym pass and exercising daily. And Marty, January is a superb time to come to Australia. However, can't you and Deb and family temporarily pop down to Adelaide? It is all just too far otherwise. Or inspired idea, I could meet Deb in Fiji for a vacation! Closer for her, but still - fun in the sun. Think about it if you would. I'd love to meet somewhere in between.
I have a Zen friend who has been unemployed for awhile - mainly by choice because she is a talented cookie - and she is so calm about it. "You are so calm about it." I continually tell her, ad nauseum I'm sure. She's done some travelling and done a few other things. We both agree that too bad we need to work for the damn money. I need to develop a rich fan base.
Swimming. I've been swimming a lot lately, including late this afternoon. Apparently it is a less efficient way to lose weight but nonetheless, it is a good winter activity. Indoor obviously! It's hell on my hair though - any advice fan base? also, even after numerous showers, I am still eau de chlorine. Space bar! aargh.
oh wee fan base. Julie -are you there? I should visit you in Toronto in January! ha! not! too cold! I should visit all the relatives and friends -Winnipeg, Ottawa, Toronto. In the middle of winter!
marty? julie? are you there? sleepy?
and finally, the junk food i ate all weekend has caught up to me. I shall leave the details out.
Carry on.

housewarming thingy

My spacebar is still giving me troubles and I don't want to buy a new one because i want to get a laptop eventually.
Sigh.
My housewarming/Christmas open house was excellent. About 14 people made it in the end and with people in and out it went from about 5 p.m. to 12:30 a.m. Late for me, baby.
I have lots of junk food left over and some homemade butter tarts someone made. I love em. I feel a tad ill today due to overconsumption of not alcohol but potato chips. still have a big bag left too.
When I eventually get a laptop and digital camera, I will post photos of my place. i even have a few Christmas decorations up.
I received a few lovely gifts - plants, a lovely chinese rice bowl set and a cool decorative type plate.
There was talking, eating, giggling and even a lovely two-year-old around for awhile.
So it seems if you invite about 50 people, you'll end up with about 14. So if you want a 1,000 people, you'd have to invite - no, my brain is too tired to figure that one out.
My god - I have shortbread cookies, spiced cookies, two boxes of mandarin oranges, the aforementioned chips and buttertarts and a whole jug of organic apple cider (non-alcoholic, Sleepy) left. And 24 candy canes.
Three more weeks of work - 14 days actually - and then 6 work days off. Yee haw, I say, yee haw.
Then - January. The January-April season is without a holiday but because my work is slower then I get more time off. again, yee haw.
Now Sleepy seemed all offended that I didn't wait to have my open house till Schnee came back from England. Yeah - I'd already postponed it once - people's schedules are impossible to coordinate. Plus, Sleepy, Schnee does many, many, many things without moi. But her presence was missed. We had not one Brit here. There was an Austrian but no Brit. Oh and an Iraqi Jewish woman - but no Brit. We could have had mince and tatties.
Silver bells . . .