snowed in

Sorry for the lack of posting, oh wee fan base. I couldn't get into blogspot for a few days and then the space bar on my keyboard broke. I'm at work using the computer here.
Tis snowy. Monday was great - students and teachers sent home early! Yee haw! Today it is snowing more but no send home. Go figure. If the Vancouver school board closes their schools, then the powers that be have said we will be closed. Fingers crossed for tomorrow although sadly it is supposed to warm up a whole lot. Too bad, although good for my open house event on Saturday evening.
The city of Vancouver can't handle snow. Buses are not running half of the time and the sidewalks are an ice rink. You know, in Winnipeg where I be from, they have something called SALT to put on the sidewalks. Uh huh. Fair enough, it rarely gets this cold here.
The snow is beautiful to look at, especially on the peaks of the mountains.
more later. back to work

Sunday morning

Top of the morning to my wee fan base. A promise of lots of snow didn't materialize and we now have rain. Too bad. It snowed quite alot last night and that (slippery roads etc.) and another bad bout of night-before insomnia kept me home from a friend's movie night last night. Oh brother. I'm rather anxious/stressed about said insomnia and anxiety, so in order to get my mind off of it for a few moments, thought I'd write about the (seriously) lovely students I have this session. Sadly, there is only one week left in the session, then a three-week session, then a week off at Christmas (unpaid but I'll take what I can get) then into the January slowdown time. January-March or so I'll be more than likely working only part-time and that is okay.
To the students.
I've been really blessed this session. 12 students and not an attitude among them. In fact, they all have great attitudes. Amazing. A couple of them - Victor from Brazil and Juan from Korea (that's his nickname - he likes Mexico) are completely amazing. Completely. Victor is 20 years old and the sweetest kid I've ever met. We ended up on the same bus home last week and normally it can be awkward to be on a 25-minute ride with a student, but this was great. I'd bottle this kid's attitude if I could. Juan is a young rather rolly-polly guy - he's either 19 or 25, not sure which was the untruth there. He's even gotten the normally silent Dong Joo to talk.
Dong Joo. Interesting case there. This is my third session with him and normally he'd move on up to the next level. But he has just missed too many classes. He is literally sick all of the time. A little zoned too. But no attitude, amazing.
Then there's Grace from Korea, Max,,Chris a great young man from Korea who loves to learn and Momoko who I've written about before and Ju Hee. Lovely girls, especially Grace.
Satomi, Luciano from Brazil, Hiroki with the biggest head of hair ever seen on a Japanese guy - all great. Theeb from Saudi Arabia is a bit of a problem - never shows up even though he is on probation. His presentation was on Alexander Graham Bell and he only mentioned the invention of the telephone in passing. He is going through some kind of a divorce apparently.
So it's been a terrific session. And with my nervous system being so bunged up these days it is an absolute treat. I look forward to seeing the class everyday, I really do. Too bad some of them are leaving or being promoted. As I said I'll lose the morning class and at best be given another level. More than likely I'll have mornings off or else be doing admin work at a much lower rate of pay. Tis the winter doldrums. I try not to worry each year at this time - I'm honestly grateful to have a continuing job!
Oh the anxiety. It has really taken over my life in certain ways in the last several months. Now mind you it has always been there, always, but this year it has taken on a new more menacing shape. I am making a conscious effort to exercise more - later this morning I will go swimming again. It's a bit more difficult in the winter rains but I must I realize.
It's not easy being green.

here I be

Don't worry, wee fan base, I am still alive - just feeling a little blogging lazy.
I seemed to have survived the near-death near fainting experience. Ha! I know a woman who works at that coffee shop (she wasn't in that day). She heard from the other staff though that some woman had "collapsed." "I think it's the water," said one staffer, referring to our boil water advisory. Interesting and entertaining that is.
What else? I have today off of work and I'm going to try jogging again for the first time in a month or two (I've gone swimming in the interim so it won't be a total shock to the heart). It's the first day in about a million that it isn't raining so I'm going to get out there while I can. Then off to the dentist for cleaning and nagging (brush better! stop chewing ice!). oy vay.
I'm feeling too restless to sit still and write more right now - suffice it to say that I'm being weaned off of a particularly difficult medication to be weaned off of and I suspect this is one of the many side effects that I can look forward to. Oy vay.
Christmas is right around the corner - Sleepy, Marty - have you bought my Christmas gifts yet? I'm just asking.
Oh and apparently tom and katie took the head of scientology on their honeymoon with them. Romantic.
More later.

a coffee shop situation

Well, fan base, well. I was at the Laughing Bean coffee shop this afternoon, having a cinnamon bun and a drink, reading the Globe and Mail. I was feeling somewhat off I must say, not sleeping perhaps. I was reading this whole section - story after story about people with cancer. Why? It was in the Globe and Mail. The last story was a story about a 3-year-old girl dying of cancer. It was quite brutal. But I've read these kinds of things before and not been affected physically. Not sure if that is what caused what happened though.
Uh huh, now you are all curious.
I began to feel like I hadn't felt in years, since I was a child. I was going to faint. It was shocking because I hadn't been dizzy or had a rapid heartbeat or anything. Nada. Was I anxious? Well, yeah, I always am to some extent. When I was a kid I'd fetl very near to fainting at church at Christmas. Standing in the back in a thick parka (winnipeg winter) I would sweat and feel it coming on. Outside I would go - the world all turned white as I fought it off. I'd be exhausted after. Today it felt the same. Oh boy, I thought and put my head near my knees. Oh boy. I sat on the floor and told the guys beside me what was happening. One nice man came right over and sat on the floor with me. "It's okay," he said. Very calming he.
I kept my head down and I was sweating profusely by this point. He found me a pillow somehow and I lay down on the floor, pretty much in the middle of the cafe. People mingled about - staring etc.
My fingers were massively tingling - a sign I know of hyperventilation. I wasn't panicked when it started but I was now. They got me some water and the cashier called an ambulance.
"I'm so sorry," I said repeatedly.
We introduced ourselves and shook hands. He told me he was just retired from the airforce.
"You are so nice," I said, still feeling rather awful.
I phoned my friend Tracy who ran up with her wee daughter, but not before I walked to the ambulance and had my vitals taken. When the paramedics found out I had an anxiety disorder, they figured that was it. turns out one of the paramedics is a doctor and a former anxiety attack person.
I wasn't convinced that is what it was - I'd had huge panic attacks years ago and it never ever resulted in a fainting thing.
They said I didn't need to go to the ER and I was glad because going to the ER would mean hours of waiting around. Hours and hours just to have my vitals checked. No thanks.
I phoned my doctor's answering service when I got home and the doctor-on-call called back. This was a $25 charge - not covered by medicare anymore.
"sounds like a one-time thing. Go see Ramona (my doctor) next week."
Great.
I actually went to Tracy's and she kindly let me lay about for the rest of the day into the evening. Tracy and I have a few friends who are "falling apart" and we both have our anxiety/life issues going on now too. I am ever grateful for her friendship and her care.
And m? I'm trying not to obsess till the cows come home. Years ago, like 15 years ago, I had a similar thing (not a fainting thing though) and it made me even more hypersensitive and worried about these things.
I'm feeling alright now, albeit rather loopy but I think I'll live.
And the melodrama continues.
Sleepy - I'm sure you have a fainting story you could share!

weight gains and psych units

Oh fan base. Wee fan base. God love ya all.
Anyway, I have developed more of a tummy of late due I guess to less exercise on my part. I've only walked home once this week due to the rains and the cold. Oh well. At the end of 1998 I decided to get in shape once and for all, and I really went for it - stairmastering (which I could never do now - terrible for the knees) and then jogging for the first time in my life. I lost 10 pounds quickly (no small feat when on meds that generally prevent that)and re-shaped and looked good, baby. I got up to jogging 90 minutes at a go, but yikes that was too much for my skeletal system. So I scaled back a bit. So I've generally kept in some kind of shape over the last 8 years and have never let myself go completely to pot. But I haven't jogged in over a month but have been swimming. In the meantime, the bigger belly makes a nice drink rest.
I visited my friend in the psych ward today. Fan base, you don't know her so I think it is okay to talk about it. This woman is the nicest person I've ever known and I've known her for a number of years. She is married with a number of (a lot) of young children. It's good in a way, methinks, that she is in there because it was time. It was coming for a long, long time. They have her on a whole lot of anti-anxiety meds which make her tired, as does the general depression/emotional drain of it all. St. Paul's psych ward is interesting. I've visited people at a couple of other psych wards before and St. Paul's is okay I must say. She's not allowed off the ward at the moment but doesn't seem to mind that.
Her psych nurse is a gentle woman with an Irish accent who calms us both down when she is in the room.
"She lets me cry and cry and pats my leg."
Wow. I so want that. My greatest fear (well, other than death I guess) has been being a patient in a psychiatric ward. My friend has many issues of course but the clincher was that her anxiety got out of control (due to the other issues). Seeing her there breaks my heart for her but again, it is a good thing. They will get her meds sorted out, get a plan going. It may take a month or two and she is okay with that.
She is getting to know some of the other patients as well. She's kind, my friend is.
And the psych ward? It's a surreal experience for her but I see that it can be a good thing and not a shameful thing in any way.
I love her immensely.

a long weekend

Well, the long weekend is just about over. It was very nice to have three days off and now a 3.5 day work week coming up. Yee haw.
I didn't do anything exciting but I saw the Shut up and Sing Dixie Chicks documentary and it was well done. In the last week I've learned more about the Dixie Chicks than I've ever known. But go see the film if you get a chance.
In tremendously important news, I bought a cool long jean skirt that covers up my flabby bits quite nicely thank you.
So you know how I've been feeling rather bored and old and bored. Like for example, this weekend was relaxing but often rather, well, dull. I hung out with a few people which was nice and had a great time last night at the greenhouse (community house, downtown eastside that I speak about on occasion) At one point there was great punchy late night laughing. I love laughing over absurd things. Giggle.
For those of you reading Schnee's blog, the nature walks she has been taking sound very cool. Schnee, please call me the next time you nature walk and I'll drive my wee car over that scary bridge to Richmond. If it is a couple's thing, I'll pick up a homeless guy along the way. Speaking of nature, I saw a - crap what is it called, Michelle? BC Bird? I don't remember. It was blue but not a bluejay.
Anyway bored and old. Well, I e-mailed my former workmate, Missy, the other day to see how she is doing, where she is living. She is a teacher trainer of an intensive ESL-teacher-training course called CELTA and teaches it all over the world. Recently, she's been in Montreal and NYC and is currently in Prague. After Christmas she is off to Vietnam and earlier this year she was in Egypt. And her fiance has just moved to France from Texas and I think that will be her new home base. Wowza, I said, nearly panting over Prague, which is an AMAZING city. That was inspirational let me tell you. I liked working with Missy at my ESL school, it was only for a year or so but she had really great ESL type ideas and really liked the field. Despite being from Texas and still sporting a strong accent, she's quite leftwing. So that's the Dixie Chicks and Missy on that score. Nah, actually she tells me Austin is a fairly liberal place to be.
All that to say that if Missy (who is a wee bit older than me! and a diabetic to boot) can do all of this, I can certainly get more excitement in my little life. Work will be slowing to a near stop in Jan/Feb/possibly March as student numbers go through the floor, so a trip may be in order. How I will afford that trip is still in question, but a trip is very possible. It beats my sitting around using a lot of my extra brain energy to obsess why noone's knocking on my door or ringing my bell.
Marty, I'm telling you, if you guys still lived in a major city I'd probably be banging down your door early next year. But I would not relish an 8-hour drive from Adelaide!

Dixie Chicks and forming farmers

On my walk home this afternoon I saw an ad outside of a construction site for "forming farmers." What be that? Perhaps it's people who take farmers and form them into certain shapes or perhaps form their personalities?
I'm tired from my late Dixie Chicks night but Sleepy is demanding an update.
So here be a short one.
They were good and I enjoyed it. I ended up not taking Tracy, but co-worker Glenda, who hasn't been to a concert in 20 years when her kids were wee. The concert was to start at 7:30 p.m. and we wanted to take full advantage of the hospitality suite situation. We got there at 7 p.m. We were the first ones in the suite, said the 'suite hostess." Her job was to give us a drink - made mine a Sprite - yes boring and non-alcoholic I know. There was also food - chips and salsa, shrimp, a couple of hot things, sandwiches. She chatted with us and because I am awkward when I know someone is chatting with me as their job (although she was very nice), I asked her about herself.
20 people ended up in the room - another contest winner from a different promotion. A middle-aged woman also named Karen she got to bring along 9 friends. But she didn't get CDs like I did! Oh yeah, my haul was the tickets, all of the Dixie Chicks CDs, a live concert DVD, 4 cookbooks (unrelated to the band obviously), a backpack and a Vancouver Sun cap. I needed a new backpack too. Unfortunately it says Sony/BMG on it, but I can patch that out.
Back to the concert. We had a private bathroom in the suite which is great at a concert! An unknown guy was the opener and the Chicks came out at 8:45 p.m. I'm not familiar with a lot of their music other than Not Ready to Make Nice and a few I've heard on the New CD. Goodbye Earl got a rousing, screaming sing along and Not Ready to Make Nice got a standing ovation.
Lead Natalie Maines said we must be in such a good mood because of free beer or the fact that Rumsfeld quit. She had the sold out crowd wave their cell phones around instead of lighters and it was a cool effect actually.
Those Dixie Chicks are gorgeous and even strutted around on 5-inch heels. I love the "y'all"
So it was fun. It was very cool to get to go for free. The Vancouver Sun promotion guy was there and he said about 1,200 people entered the contest. Neato, batman. I should buy a lottery ticket.
So now that I have all the CDs I'll become quite a fan. I think I like their newer stuff better - it's less "country." Next up is seeing the documentary, Shut up and sing.
Oh yeah and Natalie noted that two audience members had the same sign. "F U G B" - what could that mean? she said.
ha!
it was fun like a fun thing.
Sleepy, please be sufficiently jealous.

and yet another wonderful surprise

So today I was at work with my phone turned to silent. Luckily, it was intake day so I was not in class. Had I been in class, I wouldn't have gotten the message until 2:10 p.m., which would have been too late, I think. As it was, I checked my messages at 1:30 p.m, 16 minutes after Jamie from the Vancouver Sun called.
"Call quickly," he said, leading me to realize that if I didn't answer right away, they would go on to the next person on the list. A bit odd when you call someone on a workday but oh well.
Turns out the contest I entered last week, I won! Yee haw. It was one of those newspaper contests. The question was: the Dixie Chicks manager was also the manager of a late country legend who died in 2003. Who was the legend? Well, darn, it was Johnny Cash. Then I was picked randomly out of 1000s of entries. Here's my score: 2 tickets to the Dixie Chicks concert on Wed. evening. Seats are in the vancouver Sun suite, so munchies and amazing seats. Also, some Dixie Chicks CDS and a concert DVD.
I like the Dixie Chicks - their spunk and their music and their stand against the ridiculous backlash that came upon them after they said, "we're ashamed Bush is from Texas" at a London concert. That resulted in 3 years of death threats and radio stations pulling their music. They put Canada on their tour because the Southern states have gone all boycotty. It is also the basis of a documentary, "Shut up and Sing" in theatres now.
Yee haw. I'm going to take good pal Tracy, who deserves a fun night out.

a wonderful surprise

Well, a rather dull weekend was at hand. Well, I went to a movie on Friday evening, that was good. Saturday it was pouring rain so i went swimming in the morning. No, not in the rain but at an indoor pool near my house - a 5-minute drive. Coming out it was pouring down, I was wet from swimming and I couldn't find my car. I have no sense of direction or spatial sense so it took me about 10 minutes to find it. Ah well.
All of my pals were busy on Saturday (oh, the shock) and so I went grocery shopping and did a wee bit of cooking (yup, I'm back at it - muffins, tourtiere, couscous salad, veggie chili - I made all that this weekend). Then I felt bored. I read, watched tv but I'm running out of books to read! Eeek.
Today was to be another alone day, not cool. Fan base, as you know, too much time alone wrecks my brain. Of courrse, I blame all of my busy friends. Hah, not really. Well, not entirely. Ok, a bit.
Anyway, I went to my friends' community house - the Green House - in the downtown eastside. I've blogged about it before. Sundays are a hodgepodge of neighbours and street people coming for lunch so it's busy and filled with people. What I needed. Irene, my emerg nurse friend was there and I talked to her for a bit. Roz, a longtime downtown eastsider and friend of the community was there and looking quite rough. Irene has known her for years and is always unconditionally loving and open to her.
"What are you on today, Roz? You can't sit still." It's a cocaine thing this inability to sit still, it mimics Parkinsons patients who have taken too much medication.
"No, no, it's just the Ritalin."
Turns out it was also the coke snorted at 4 a.m.
Roz is a couple of years younger than me and has been on the street most of her life. She has two or three kids but not custody of them, obviously. She's got a good heart, does Roz, so it's kind of heartbreaking, not to be pithy or melodramatic.
Irene asks Roz drug questions to help her deal with the overdosers she (Irene) sees as St. Paul's emerg where she does overnight shifts. Turns out if people come in with cocaine psychosis, they are given a potent shot of Ativan and other goodies to put them out. "Can you get me a shot?" I asked, picturing a peaceful nights sleep. not so much, said Irene.
Later this afternoon, Sarah walks in the door. Sarah as in Sarah and Matthew, the friends I visited in virginia last year. Sarah!!!!!! It was awesome. Matthew is away so she came to Vancouver to visit and to get some time to think - she's making a career change. I blogged about these two last year when I was in Virginia. They are awesome and in their 20s (not that those two things are mutually exclusive). Matthew and I especially get on well. I LOVED visiting them last year and doing simple things like playing Scrabble or going to a trivia night at a local bar. They're smart and cool and we get each other. So it was a wonderful surprise.
"I need a place to go next year, say May, on my holidays. Can I come back?"
"Sure," says Sarah, "but I can't guarantee an exciting time."
It's not about the excitement, I assured her. It's about you guys.
So perhaps, back to Virginia.
I am very very lucky in my life to have known and know some very cool people. It's profound and awesome.

a little of this and that

Fan base! I am alive! Sleepy, you may now cease and desist.
I have survived the lates virus. I'm still coughing like a barking seal, but I am alive. I returned to work on Wednesday and today had a lovely lunch with the students. At the end of every four-week session, we go out with the students for lunch. They pay for themselves, teachers get reimbursed up to $20. Yee haw. My little hellions couldn't make up their minds about where to go, so I said, Milestones. Milestones is right next door to the school, in fact it shares a wall and sometimes on the 2nd floor, mice. It has all different kinds of food. Poor Chikako tried to identify something with rice and ended up with quesadillas and rice. Interestingly, most Japanese people don't like spicy food, while Koreans do. Now, fan base member Michelle, no need to comment that that is a generalisation. It's not actually. It is a fact, told to me by many Koreans and Japanese people. Anyway, she was very sweet about it. She gave a lot of her food to Ju Hee, who ended up eating a lot of food for such a small person. She did look like she wanted to explode after. Waldemir ate a 1/2 roast chicken and Dong Joo ate 1/4 roast chicken. Momoko is my favourite. She is so sweet and shy and talks so quietly. She had a red poppy on today. The war vets are starting to sell them for Nov. 11, Remembrance Day. She told me that she didn't know why she bought one or what it was for.
"Be careful of the pin, it will stick you," I informed her.
Sure enough, it did stick her as she showed me a small hole in her hand.
Jae Hun decided not to come for lunch because he spent much of the morning vomiting in the washroom after a night of beer, soju and a variety of other alcoholic beverages.
"For goodness sake, do not vomit in the classroom," I said. "If you feel it coming on, run. Run, man, run." Then I offered him a Tim Horton's timbit. For my out of country fanbase, Tim Horton's is a donut shop and timbits are wee donuts in the shape of donut holes. You get 40, mixed, for $4.75. I can mail you some if you'd like, Sleepy. They are a cultural phenomenon. As is the coffee, where people order, "a double double."
So a new session starts next week and I'm looking forward to it. I haven't been laid off or had hours reduced yet, that will come in January or February at the latest. For now, there is another 4 week session, then a 3-week one, then a week off for Christmas! Unpaid, but a week off! I'm staying in town. I wanted to go to Ottawa to hang with my sister and my niece, but my sister's health is a bit unsure and apparently it's hard having me there with all the busyness of Christmas and her in-laws. I was there a couple of years ago and spent time up at the lake with her and some of her in-laws. I don't think it would be that difficult really but that's family for you. Of course it bothers me to no end and more than it should I'm sure but there you go.
Christmas. Mind you, I'm not exactly rushing off to see my parents in Winnipeg. I haven't spent a Christmas in Winnipeg since 1992. I haven't been to Winnipeg since 1999. I saw my parents last about three years ago, at a very brief stopover on their way to Hawaii. My mother would love me to come to Hawaii again (I went in 2001 and 2003). They go for six weeks every year and stay in the same hotel, often the same room. My mother is scared of swimming and finds it too hot and the walking is becoming more difficult. Why they keep going is for my dad I guess. He hates the winters in Winnipeg and loves swimming. And drinking at the outdoor bar I discovered. Fair enough. If they had a condo with a separate room or two it would be okay. But it is one hotel room, one room and a bathroom. I'm 10 years old within four minutes of my being there and then for the rest of the week I stay I'm about 9 years old. Yes, my parents are getting older and I should consider myself even lucky that they are relatively healthy. Oy, the guilt.
Thinking back to four weeks ago I realize now how stressed I was then. Moving, my job, my sister, I wasn't handling it well. I thought the feelings of surrealism, heightened anxiety, etc. would last forever. I am so much more relaxed today that it is good. The disparity in the two feelings is huge. I never really know when it will all hit so intensely but I'm certainly grateful when it is turned down a bit.
And finally, I just saw the movie, The Queen. I thought it was really well done and I even ended up with a wee bit of sympathy for the queen. They threw in a nice bit about the queen saying to Tony Blair that the tide turned against her so quickly and that the same would happen to him one day! Ha!
Cheerio.